Over the past two years, TikTok has been gaining momentum at a rate never before seen for a social media app. With 800 million active users and 1.5 billion downloads on the App Store alone, TikTok has pretty much taken over popular culture in this era of uncertainty. With the world in lockdown, more and more people turn to it every day for a bit of light hearted relief and to recreate the viral dances that smash millions of likes constantly. Music is an essential part of the platform and forms the basis for countless punchlines and pivotal moments on the app, and as a result the music that gains traction on TikTok subsequently spills over to the mainstream charts, finding popularity beyond its viral origin. Of course, it also works in reverse with already well known songs getting a second life, but there is a certain sound that runs through almost all songs that dominate the platform and this has now become the aspiration for artists when they create new music. Essentially, an entire career can be made by just getting one song to blow up, and as a result more and more names are popping up atop the charts for the first time, braking the monotony of pop music that has become so stagnant over the past decade.
So, what exactly makes a TikTok song? Firstly, and this is vital, it needs to be catchy. It needs to reverberate inside your head for days on end, never coming out until you’ve exhausted it with countless replays. It needs to become an ear worm immediately, and a stubborn one at that. One that won’t come to the surface no matter how many times you stamp on the ground. Secondly, if its going to have a viral dance, it’s got to have a ruthless rhythm. The beat has to be more more infectious than COVID-19 and have its victims sub-consciously head bopping from the moment of transmission. Thirdly, the lyrics have to be spot on. These can form the basis of punch lines OR be the influence to whatever half-arsed dance moves accompany the previous two ingredients in this popularity potion. For example, Auntie Hammy’s song (if you want to call it that) ‘Pew pew pew’ contains the lyric “Hold up, wait a minute, issa chopper” and thus has millions of kids mimicking shooting at the camera with their gun fingers. You love to see it.
There is definitely a formula for TikTok success and honestly I have nothing but respect for up and coming artists for following this method. The music industry, now more than ever, is a popularity contest, so why wouldn’t you make a catchy song that is destined to be heard by millions if you’re new in the game? So, what’s your excuse Drake? If there was one artist who was inevitably going to jump on this trend, it was going to be Drake. He’s done it with every musical trend over the past decade, and to his credit he usually does it quite well. He was quick onto the dancehall vibe with ‘One Dance’ and ‘Controlla’ from 2016’s ‘Views’, and he even pops up as a pseudo roadman every now and then. But he’s back again in 2020 with ‘Toosie Slide’, instructing his listeners to “left foot up, right foot slide” their way to viral fame. Sonically, its a pretty mediocre track – not bad, not good, but my word did the TikTok community take it and run. The song itself is named after a TikTok star who supposedly helped Drake formulate a dance for the track that would be a certified sensation. From where I’m positioned, its a pretty shameless clout-grab from Drake who is already one of the most dominant artists in the world, but he’s a hustler at the end of the day and he’s come through with the goods, just like he always seems to do.
On the other hand, TikTok has been a sure-fire way to cement an artist’s place in musical history, and what better example than Doja Cat? Ironically, this time I don’t think that viral TikTok stardom was what she set out to achieve with ‘Say So’, it just sort of happened. The track was initially over-looked by many on her 2019 effort ‘Hot Pink’ with tracks like ‘Rules’ and ‘Juicy’ being the lead singles of the album. Nevertheless, Doja Cat is pretty much the face of TikTok right now and has secured a Billboard Number One as a result of it. But why? Well, I think it’s down to her energy, charisma and vibe that she brings on her music. She’s fun, youthful and a breath of fresh air. She doesn’t take herself too seriously yet cares about her craft meticulously, translating her sense of humour and mannerisms into her music, making her songs perhaps the greatest example of pure, explosive personality in music right now. In other words, she was destined for success the very second that TikTok became big. She is synonymous with the atmosphere that exists on the platform, and it was all coincidental. If you want an insight into what I’m talking about, watch her Kenny Beats freestyle on S1E7 of ‘The Cave’.
TikTok has effectively taken over control of the charts. Not that the charts should be strictly adhered to as the holy text of music, but it does generally give a fairly decent insight into what people are listening to, especially now that apps like Spotify and Apple Music tend to dictate who sits at number 1. Instead of sales and air play, which can be heavily manipulated by record labels, the charts are now largely based on streams which allows TikTok songs to break into the top 10 with considerable ease. Going on to the ‘United Kingdom Top 50’ on Spotify as I’m writing this, I associate six out of the top ten as being either explicitly TikTok songs or songs that are heavily featured on the app, these being: The Weeknd – ‘Blinding Lights’, Drake – ‘Toosie Slide’, SAINt JHN – ‘Roses (Imanbek Remix)’, Powfu, Beabadoobee – ‘death bed (coffee for your head)’, Lil Mosey – ‘Blueberry Faygo’, and S1mba, DTG – ‘Rover’. While it could be seen that TikTok is simply piggybacking off of songs that were popular or were going to be anyway, All of these songs, with perhaps ‘Blinding Lights’ being the exception, I would wager have been specifically engineered to appeal to a TikTok audience, or at least one subconsciously influenced by its grasp on 2020 culture.
The worst thing for me is that I don’t think this is an inherently bad thing, either. Much to my dismay, I’ve found myself listening to some TikTok songs unironically, and what’s worse is that even the ones which are obviously terrible tend to slip out of my mouth subconsciously. However, the app has genuinely put me on to some great music. So long as you can make your way through all the ‘Dance Monkey’ and ‘Someone You Loved’ nonsense, you’re well on your way to finding some pretty good stuff. So, I have decided to make a list of the ten best songs I have found on TikTok so far, and also the ten worst. I couldn’t help myself.
The Worst TikTok Songs So Far:
10. Megan Thee Stallion – ‘Savage’
I honestly feel bad for this one. I like Megan Thee Stallion as an artist and she has bags of potential, but I just cannot get that stupid Carol Baskin version of this out of my head when I listen to it. I blame that one girl who wrote all the lyrics out on her face using mascara as if that would be funny. It wasn’t. That TikTok is my new sleep paralysis demon.
9. Surfaces – ‘Sunday Best’
This just sounds like a BTEC Rex Orange Country, to be honest. It’s so incredibly vanilla and offensively inoffensive. In other words, perfect for a TikTok song. The lyrics sound like a year 7’s entry to a poetry competition they never wanted to enter but their English teacher made them. Not Good.
8. 645AR – ‘Yoga’
Is this song a joke? I honestly have no idea. If so, very well done, sir. If not, deary me. It’s perfect for the memes and provides a great punchline for some of my favourite TikTok’s, but as a song its just unlistenable.
7. Jack Harlow – ‘WHATS POPPIN’
The beat carries what is essentially a cringe fest. I look at Jack Harlow and just don’t believe any of the gloats he makes in ‘WHATS POPPIN’. I shouldn’t judge people on looks, however, so instead I’ll judge the musical content. It’s run of the mill, bog standard trap music. Nothing special here. Props to JetsonMade and Pooh Beatz for a good beat, though.
6. Blueface – ‘Respect My Cryppin’
This song has a place in my heart for the unreal memes it has generated on TikTok. Whether its Beetlejuice pulling up to the Howard Stern Show for the first time in his all white tux, or Köksal Baba handling business in Turkey. Despite this, appreciating it as just a piece of music is something I don’t think I can do. Blueface surely writes his bars before he hears the beat.
5. Lil Uzi Vert – ‘That Way’
Who told Lil Uzi Vert it would be a good idea to remix Backstreet Boyz? Whoever did clearly didn’t want the best for him. I actually can’t believe this exists. Im both transfixed and appalled simultaneously. This is the soundtrack to a lucid dream.
4. Auntie Hammy – ‘Pew pew pew’
The reason this song isn’t higher up is because I’m not convinced its actually a song? It must be? But is it? I have no idea, truly. Anyway, it’s terrible and so are all the countless videos of people miming along to it. I never want to hear this one again.
3. Maroon 5 – ‘Memories’
This is grim listening. Never in the history of music has a band had such a rise in popularity as a result of such a decline in musical integrity. Listening to ‘Memories’ is like eating chicken which hasn’t been properly cooked through. You’ll take it because you’re desperate but it will leave you sick for days and you’ll never make that mistake again.
2. Christina Perri – ‘human’
Christina Perri is back at it again with the ‘butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth’, quasi-inspirational, ‘Sad Hours’ playlist filler. “I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, But I’m only human” is a line so relentlessly terrible that it haunts me. Its a very cringey song.
1. Tones and I – ‘Dance Monkey’
It honestly couldn’t be anything else. It’s music’s equivalent to Lord Voldemort. It’s death eaters are kids raised on a diet of Fortnite and toy unboxing youtube videos. Only the bravest dare speak its name. Evil personified.
The Best Tiktok Songs So Far:
10. SAINt JHN – ‘Roses (Imanbek Remix)’
SAINt JHN probably owes Imanbek the world at this point. ‘Roses’ is a classic TikTok bop and pleasantly transcends the platform, becoming what would have been an Ibiza classic if it were not for coronavirus. It’s got longevity though, so should last for many summers to come.
9. Kanye West – ‘Wolves’
Seeing a resurgence as the backing track to ‘moment of clarity’-style TikToks, ‘Wolves’ often accompanies witty captions, such as “when you realise lamps in video games use real electricity”. It’s lazy humour but that’s what makes it great. Kanye’s track amplifies the pseudo-scientific nature of the captions and its glorious.
8. Alt-J – ‘Fitzpleasure’
Again, another older track seeing a revival as a result of humour. This time, ‘Fitzpleasure’ usually accompanies dark humour, perfectly juxtaposing the Alt-J sound. One of the band’s best songs and often under appreciated.
7. DaBaby – ‘BOP’
Salt and Pepper. Knife and Fork. Sweet and Sour. DaBaby and a flute. All these things are in perfect harmony when with the other. DaBaby is a certified hit making machine right now, and ‘BOP’ is one of his best efforts. He’s sort of the male Doja Cat in his meteoric rise to the top, dominating the TikTok and music scene for the foreseeable future.
6. DripReport – ‘Skechers’
Similar to Zack Fox and Kenny Beats’ ‘Jesus is the One’, ‘Skechers’ is another jokey song that actual slaps. The beat is killer and the comedic vocals raving about light-up Skechers are ironically cold. I wish it was longer and I also wish it gets a mad remix. The beat is crying out for Offset, Travis Scott, NBA Youngboy or A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie.
5. Powfu, Beabadoobee – ‘death bed (coffee for your head)’
I hated it, but now I love it. It’s way too catchy for its own good, but I think it genuinely has a nice message behind Powfu’s lyrics. Additionally, Beabadoobee’s hook is that specific type of minimalist affection that strikes a chord with so many listeners. The TikToks that usually go with it are pretty dreadful, but at least the song isn’t.
4. Polo G, Stunna 4 Vegas, NLE Choppa, Mike WiLL Made It – ‘Go Stupid’
It’s all fun and games watching the TikToks that this tune usually accompanies, but once you realise how hard this song slaps, it’s never the same. Each one of the artists rides the beat perfectly, and my word, that beat. It could have a hundred verses and I would never skip any of it.
3. Aaron Smith – ‘Dancin (Krono Remix)’
It is so so so good. Possibly one of the only songs that has found popularity of TikTok that spawns genuinely good dances to it. My personal favourite is John Stones cutting shapes in the Manchester City dressing room that I don’t think anyone could ever have expected from a bloke who started his career at Barnsley. Another song locked and loaded for the end of quarantine.
2. Molchat Doma – ‘судно (Борис Рыжий)’
Yes, I did copy and paste that. Translating to ‘Vessel’, a famous poem by Russian poet Boris Ryzhy, the song is one of those rare finds that makes sifting through endless TikToks worth it. It encapsulates the aesthetic of post-communist Russia fantastically and provides a rare insight into a country that often seems so distant to us in the West. A masterful song.
1. WILLOW – ‘Wait a Minute!’
Who would have thought that the ‘I whip my hair back and forth’ girl would come through with such a masterstroke? What’s more impressive is that she released it when she was 15 years old. That is nuts. There’s a Bjork twinge in her voice that comes through on this track that adds another level on top of what is already quality listening. I wish more of her songs were like this, then we might really be on to a great artist. The foundations are there and Willow will undoubtedly pull through with her magnum opus this decade.
The Turntable 